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Player Avatar
me
Despite the lack of mirror or other reflective surface nearby, you
know you look much as you have always looked.
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You strike hard and fast, knowing it to be your only way out of t
his world.
Your fist connects!
Your wild swing fails to connect in totality!
You dance aside quickly, swiftly, completely!
OW!
Treasure Room
You have fulfilled all the requirements and thus have won this g
ame of AAS Masters! I salute you! And I also thank Robb Sherwin for various and
sundry AAS ideas, and Fredrik Ramsberg for being the first non-AAS-member to u
se the forum and for being a good sport.
I fear you have been unsuccessful at winning this game.
Blasted Heath
Though you do not know how you came to be on this empty heath, wind
whistling around and almost through you, you do know the purpose of your appea
rance: You must track down and brutally slaughter the AAS Masters! From this he
ath, all directions are accessible to you.
The smell is what you can only call "blasted."
#CCCCCC
Windswept Plain
Not as blasted as the Blasted Heath, but the wind is here nonethele
ss. If only this plain had features, but alas, its featurelessness sucks the ve
ry marrow from the bones of your soul.
It smells less blasted than the Blasted Heath.
#BBBBBB
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Win Treasure
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Abandoned Mine Entrance
Gaping open, the maw of a former productive mine, now abandoned...a
bandoned, except, perhaps, for one of those evil race of beings known only as t
he AAS Masters! Dare you step west inside it and grasp your destiny within two
unwavering hands, or must you slink off elsewhere?
The smell is, incongruously, jasmine.
#AAAAAA
You have been summoned...called forth -- perhaps in a dream, p
erhaps in waking life different from the normality you inhabit usually. You are
here at the behest of the AAS Masters. And either they will die or you will ne
ver ever leave....
(Be sure to try smelling in all the rooms!)
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Nowhere
Mine Depths
Tight, claustrophobic, and smelling of gas welling up from unimagin
eable depths, rising, rising, ending finally inside your nose. The phantasms of
miners past waft past you, seen only out of the corner of your left eye.
#444444
Greek chorus member
chorus
member
Within her flowing robe are depths of hate untameable and wild.
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The chorus member shrieks and lunges at you! It sounds as if a hu
ndred people are shrieking with her!
Her long fingernails rake across you, drawing blood!
Her fingernails barely miss you, thanks to footwork that even th
e likes of Fred Astaire would envy!
The chorus member shimmers, and suddenly is not where your blow
was.
The chorus member falls back, crying out in pain from your might
y blow!
The chorus member crumples, then falls to the mine floor. Her body
shimmers, leaving behind a corpse that looks oddly familiar.
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familiar corpse
familiar
corpse
When you look closely, you discover that the corpse bears a strikin
g resemblance to Misty Granade, who created the AAS logo.
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ceiling supports
ceiling
supports
Propping up the ceiling, thus preventing its crushing weight from f
alling upon you like several tons of ceiling. Do not even think of attacking it
!
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The ceiling falls immediately, crushing you as promised!
Festering Swamp
The smell of swamp gas is so thick as to almost render you unc
onsious. Almost.
Schluck, schluck, go your shoes as you walk through a swamp. Deep i
n its depths are the carbonized remains of many once-living creatures. Beware!
You could be next in its depths!
#aaaaaa
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water glass
water
glass
A glass of cool, refreshing water.
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The water glass magically refills!
The magic of the water cools your body, quenching the flames tha
t ran rampant across it!
Flaming James Walmsey
james
walmsey
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James attacks!
James's anger at being disturbed nearly matches in intensity the fl
ames that play across his body.
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He reaches out and hits you, his fire burning you! Aiee!
He manages to miss you, the flames from him singeing your hair.
He dances aside, leaving you striking at the hot air where he j
ust was!
James falls dead into the swamp, the murky waters quenching his fi
re. Now that he is dead, his corpse looks oddly familiar.
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familiar corpse
familiar
corpse
The corpse turns out to be that of Adam "jwalrus" Biltcliffe, who w
rote the AAS IDE, the game "Fabled Caves," added encryption to the AAS terp, su
ggested changes to the AAS specification, and became rather hyper the night tha
t we released AAS.
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Children's Daycare
Who knows what horror was visited upon the children who once, innoc
ence at play, were here during the day while their parents were at work. All th
at is left are a few remnants of their happy playtime. The gloom is truly every
where.
Talcum powder and love.
#333333
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few remnants
few
remnants
Broken and discarded toys, evidence of children's presence. Once. L
ong ago.
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Children's Daycare Bathroom
How small the toilets, how low the mirrors! You cannot even see you
rselves in the mirrors without ducking down. What evil force has shrunk all of
the things in this room?
Ew, poo.
#444444
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Jean Ferris
jean
ferris
Jean's eyes flash. Literally.
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Jean attacks you, smiling maniacally!
Laser beams shoot from her eyes, burning your tender flesh!
Laser beams shoot from her eyes, but somehow miss!
She skips aside, giggling madly.
You hit Jean, who whimpers in pain. "Please! That hurts!"
Jean collapses. Her corpse looks oddly familiar.
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familiar corpse
familiar
corpse
Now that you look closely, you realize that this corpse is that of
Emily "Emily" Short, who helped seed the forum and suggested various and sundry
evil things for AAS.
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Old Launch Site
Perhaps once crafts lept starwards from this flat location. Now are
only the ghosts of brave space explorers past. How sad, when dreams die and le
ave behind only space dust.
The dust, space and earth (assuming that this is, indeed, eart
h), makes you want to sneeze.
#aaaaaa
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Captain Countdown
captain
countdown
He has a clock attached to his chest.
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Captain Countdown is measuring out your life in coffee spoons wit
h little clocks on them!
"Four! Three! Two! One! SMACK!" shouts Captain Countdown as he hi
ts you something fierce!
Captain Countdown's countdown is off by a second, allowing you t
o slip past his blow!
Captain Countdown is one count ahead of your blow!
You smack Captain Countdown somewhere around six o'clock!
Captain Countdown falls, the hands of his clock falling off. His c
orpse looks oddly familiar.
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familiar corpse
familiar
corpse
Now that you look closely at it, you realize that the corpse is tha
t of David "DavidW" Welbourn, who contributed a number of extremely evil ideas,
and conceived the countdown concept for the AAS specification.
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Twisted Forest
What force of impurity could take these trunks, twist them, and lea
ve them with curled leaves barely visible against the gray of the sky? You have
but one hope: that whatever that force, that it has truly departed, and you wi
ll not be left to face it, for what might it do to the trunk you possess? Every
branch of every tree drips with imagined sadness.
Loam and grass smell.
tortured trees
tortured
trees
Twisted, tortured, tormented, torqued and tensed about a terrible o
ld trauma.
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Darkened, Gloomy Graveyard
Would you not think that a graveyard in a place such as this would
be clustered with the ghosts who once were living and now may only haunt. You w
ould, and do, but would be wrong, for no spirit of untimely end is here. Only g
loom, and dark, and oppressive silence. You shiver unexpectedly.
It is as if the dead rubbed their armpits in your face.
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headstone
headstone
Chiselled on the headstone you see the following: "Lying here, my d
ear son Edward."
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familiar corpse
familiar
corpse
On closer inspection, it appears the corpse is that of Duncan "Boin
gBall" Cross, who first said, "Let's do a SpeedIFSystem!" on March 1; created L
anty, our answer to Clippy; discovered the anime web template used on the web s
ite; and wrote the GUI interpreter. He wishes he'd been able to complete a numb
er of improvements to the interpreter, including annoying autocomplete, an anim
ated browser icon, and a nasty splash screen.
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Edward Berryhill
edward
berryhill
Edward is stooped over, cloaked, and he bears a happy talking lante
rn named Lanty.
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Edward swings his lantern Lanty at your head!
Lanty says, "It looks like you're getting your ass kicked by a mo
nster. Would you like help with that?" *CLANG!*
Edward's wild swing of Lanty at your head misses.
Edward dances away from your blow. "It looks like you're trying
to hit Edward. You need help with that, right?" says Lanty.
"Ow!" shouts Lanty. "You leave Edward alone!"
Lanty says, "You kicked our asses. You don't need any help with th
at." Edward falls down dead, leaving a corpse that is somehow familiar.
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Standing Before a Cave
It gapes, worryingly, undoubtedly hiding one of those malignant cre
atures known as an AAS Master. What evil lurks within, closer to the heart of t
his evil place? You know, deep within every single fiber of your being, that yo
u must enter, and you must fight, and you must emerge, bloodied, perhaps, bowed
, undobutedly, but above all, victorious.
On the faint breeze, a hint of cinnamon.
#aaaaaa
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compass
compass
Unconventional, as you might expect in a place like this, its needl
e always points south-southeast.
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Inner Cave
You are an adventurer. You have been in caves before. Yet and still
, does this cave drag icy fingers of fear up and down your skull, ruffling your
hair with fright. You bonk your head repeatedly on stalagtites, and were you t
o stumble and fall, arms milling uncontrollably, undoubtedly you would bonk you
r head on a stalagmite.
#111111
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familiar corpse
familiar
corpse
At a closer look, you realize that this is the corpse of Storme "St
orme" Winfield, who thrashed out how to do AAS after Edward Berryhill suggested
it, wrote Pleasure Palace and Office Ahoy!, seeded the forum, yelled whenever
stuff went wrong, and in general laughed her AAS off throughout.
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CandyFox
candyfox
Her eyes are large, like those of an anime character. She has too m
any teeth.
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CandyFox flies at you, hurling graphical smilies at you!
One smilie connects! Worse, far worse, it is the :P smilie, and i
ts tongue is coated with acid! Aie it burns! It burns!
The smilies fly past you, not even the O_o;;; connecting!
CandyFox slides away, speed lines radiating behind her!
Drops of blood fly from CandyFox like dark sweat!
CandyFox's eyes grow even wider than before. When she falls, the e
yes stare glassy, focused at infinity. Now that you think about it, her corpse
looks far more familiar than it should.
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Maze of Allusions
All around you, references to other text adventure works, battering
at your senses.
It smells like some other game.
#bbbbbb
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Maze of Allusions
All around you, references to other text adventure works, battering
at your senses.
It smells like other games.
#aaaaaa
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Maze of Allusions
All around you, references to other text adventure works, battering
at your senses.
It smells like other rooms.
#000000
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Out of the Maze
You stumble out of the maze, feeling battered and bruised by all th
e references to other places, other games, only some of which you've played. Th
ank goodness the compass led you through the maze.
It smells of relief.
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Dusty Library
In this world, readership would seem to be at a minimum, but here,
undeniably present: tomes piled high on shelves. Had you time and energy, what
might you learn from reading them?
History wafts through the room, carried on the very air.
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dusty tomes
dusty
tomes
Written in one of them is the entire AAS manual. (Read the manual!)
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familiar corpse
familiar
corpse
Actually, this corpse of David Banner is really that of Stephen "Sa
rgent" Granade. He helped develop the final AAS XML specification, wrote the AA
S manual, and helped seed the forum. He also wrote AAS Masters, for which he ap
ologizes profusely. (And do please read the manual.)
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David Banner
david
banner
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David Banner says, "I believe I must best you in a feat of fistic
uffs!"
David Banner hits! Your mind wanders oddly.
David Banner misses. "My next blow will indubitably be better ai
med!"
David Banner stands still; it is you who move, and who miss.
dodgemsg>
You hit David Banner, who cries out, "I am wounded!"
"Ah," he sighs. "I am dead, dead, dead..." He folds up in a corpse
that looks strangely familiar.
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A tweed sports coat adorns his lean, sparse frame.
Cobwebbed Warehouse
Hanging, festooned, dripping from every surface, are cobwebs. Stick
y, clinging, and painful as they scrape slowly across your skin. The warehouse'
s shape is softened by the gray strands, filling corners.
You can smell the corpses of spiders.
#dddddd
familiar corpse
familiar
corpse
This is no corpse of Linc, but the corpse of Gunther "Gunther" Schm
idl, who helped create the website content, the AAS store (and the infamous AAS
thong), and who wrote Sexual Conquest.
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Linc Abrahams
linc
abrahams
Cold, aloof disregard peers out from behind blue eyes.
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Linc shrugs, then flicks his fingers in your direction.
Invisible force from said fingers grasps you, squeezing your hear
t.
Nothing happens, however.
Your blow passes through Linc; he chooses not to let you hit hi
m.
Your blow strikes Linc, who reacts not at all.
A puff of smoke rises from Linc, a soul, bound for heaven. The hus
k of a body left behind appears familiar.
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Shopping Mall
Evidently even the evil AAS Masters require the latest in bourgeois
fashion and gadgetry. But the faces of those who would smile and sell the merc
handise are absent. Presumably they are minimum wage slaves, and currently are
hidden elsewhere.
The leftover smell of perfume.
#aaaaaa
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Evil Orange Julius
How dare they! They take a normal store providing tasty liquid refr
eshment and make it evil! And according to their corporate map on one wall, the
headquarters were moved to Seattle! And that leaves aside the truly reprehensi
ble concept of their pork smoothies.
The store smells of meat.
#333333
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pork smoothie
pork
smoothie
We had agreed not to mention the pork smoothie, I thought.
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familiar corpse
familiar
corpse
The corpse, on closer reflection, is that of Sam Kabo "maga" Ashwel
l, who offered a number of evil ideas, suggested the AAS acronym in the first p
lace, and wrote Dead By Morning.
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ninjaschlong
ninjaschlong
ninja
His eyes don't quite track.
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ninjaschlong giggles in a high-pitched manner, frightening you. <
/attack>
He reaches out to hug you. Rather than allow a touch you expect w
ould be loathsome, you twist away and feel a muscle go *pop*!
You avoid a clumsy hug from him!
ninjaschlong skips away, laughing and giggling.
You strike ninjaschlong, then try to wipe your hand discreetly o
n your pants.
"Hee hee hee ow urk," says ninjaschlong as he dies, leaving behind
a strangely familiar corpse.
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Tar Pit
Thick, goo coats the ground, of a kind that would undoubtedly swall
ow many a slow moving dinosaur. But no dinosaur you, for your footing is swift
and sure, landing only on true ground and not tar.
Very tarry.
#aaaaaa
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Agamemnon Road
Oh no, you have been brought through the aether to the very heart o
f the lair of Roddy Ramieson himself! There is no choice; you must KILL HIM.
It smells of the endgame!
#ffffff
Roddy Ramieson
roddy
ramieson
Beware! Beware! His flashing eyes, his floating hair, for he on XML
hath fed!
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"Muahahaha, you are in my clutches now!" cries Roddy!
Roddy smacks you in the face with his rolled-up XML specification
!
Roddy misses hitting you, more's the luck!
Roddy dodges away from you!
You hit Roddy, who says petulantly, "That's hardly sporting!"
painmsg>
"You've--you've killed me!" Roddy says, sitting down heavily. "Tha
t's not--it wasn't--" He breathes heavily. "And thus the game is nearly over, s
o I must tell you quickly that I am really Iain Merrick, and created the base A
AS interpreter engine, helped get the project started, and wrote Cloak of Ultim
ate Darkness, ADVENT, Pride and Prejudice, and Cave of Doom, because I am an ov
erachieeeeagh!"
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A voice, loud, echoing in your head, shouts, "COME AND FACE ME!"
And then everything spins....
Lanty
lanty
It is indeed the chattering, helpful creature from AAS software!
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cloak
cloak
A cloak that serves to cloak the form of whomever wears the cloak.<
/desc>
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flowing robe
robe
Flowing, ever flowing, covering, revealing, showing.
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flames
flames
Flickering, burning, yet never consuming.
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Catholic school-girl uniform
uniform
Plaid.
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clock
clock
It tells the time...the time of your DOOM.
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smilies
smilies
So very many smilies. They are all grinning maniacally at the thoug
ht of biting you!
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skin-tight jumpsuit
jumpsuit
It is the kind of jumpsuit found most often in cartoon shows, the l
ikes of which have titles similar to 'MechaThis' and 'Happy Space That City'.
desc>
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tweed jacket
jacket
Very full of tweed.
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lean, sparse frame
frame
David's frame is indeed quite lean and sparse.
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"Anime Web Templates for Dummies" book
book
The world's foremost guide to creating websites based on templates
prominently featuring an anime woman.
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existential disdain for your well-being
disdain
He cares neither whether you live nor whether you die.
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tuxedo
tuxedo
Very classy and dressy, it is white with tails and a top hat.
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flashing eyes
eyes
They flash most frighteningly!
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floating hair
hair
It floats most frighteningly!
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AAS master plan
plan
It's a shame the document upon which the master plan rests is entir
ely illegible.
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