MESSAGE 1 As bad as you have to go, you can't bring yourself to piss here. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 2 You struggle with the toilet lid, but a padlock holds it firmly in place. You loudly curse the imbecile who locked the toilet. Despite your intense need to relieve yourself, your sense of propriety prevents you from pissing all over the closed toilet lid. END_MESSAGE 2 MESSAGE 3 Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..................... Waves of relief flow through your body, and you feel contentment for the first time since starting this game. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 4 Many of the guitar picks have become permantly embedded to the floor, fastened down by some sticky, foul-smelling substance. However, you manage to pry some of the plastic picks off the floor. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 5 The padlock releases with a satisfying *click*, and you hasten to lift the lid of the toilet. Inside, you see a faded picture of Barney the dinosaur floating in the clear water. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 6 There is a great *whoosh* as the toilet flushes. You are very impressed with the strength of the flush; however, you still need to piss. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 7 There is a great *whoosh* as the toilet flushes, carrying your smelly piss away and replacing it with clean, clear water. Your mission is now completed, and you have won the game. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 8 You stupidly try to walk through the closed door, but it does no good. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 9 You no longer feel the need to piss. You have been drained dry. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 10 While attempting to relock the padlock, you break the key off in the lock, rendering the lock useless. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 11 You do a little dance, trying to restrain your urge to piss. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 12 Your need to piss is becoming overwhelming. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 13 You really, really need to piss. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 14 You feel that if you don't piss soon, your bladder will explode. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 15 You can't go east from here! END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 16 You have nothing to write with! END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 17 Scribble scribble... END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 18 Years of strict toilet training prevent you from pissing on the $noun$. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 19 Don't be stupid! You know you can't get the $noun$! END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 20 Showing a considerable lack of intelligence, you reach into the toilet bowl to retrieve the picture of Barney. You lose a point for this terrible lack of taste. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 21 Like a bad headache that won't go away, the $adjective$ $noun$ clings to your fingers and won't let you drop it. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 22 With great pleasure you rip the picture to shreds, reducing the irritating photo to a mass of tiny, purple confetti. You feel much better now. You have gained 2 points for this intelligent action. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 23 Showing a considerable lack of intelligence, you reach into the toilet bowl and fish around in your own stinking piss to retrieve the soiled picture of Barney. You lose 2 points for this terrible lack of taste. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 24 The sandwich is delicious, and like a gluttonous pig you devour the entire thing. Yet, as you finish the last bite, you feel an odd twitch of dred, as if you have made a grave mistake by not saving the sandwich for later. Eating the sandwich has increased your need to piss. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 25 You might want to try picking the $noun$ up first. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 26 The bear pounces on the discarded sandwich and greedily wolfs it down. He stares at you for a moment, and then belches loudly and curls up to take a nap. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 27 The $object$ proves to be a very ineffective weapon, and the bear mauls the shit out of you. You have died. Next time, try not to be so stupid. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 28 "Hi, Bear," you say. The bear replies, "Don't you have any manners? Go back and flush the toilet, you idiot!" END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 29 Removing the Sammy Hagar poster reveals a hole in the east wall. You are now carrying the Sammy Hagar poster. END_MESSAGE 29 MESSAGE 30 You feel a great rumble from deep within your bladder. Your entire body starts to spasm and shake, and you feel as if you are about to die. Then suddenly your bladder explodes, spraying the room with piss, intestines, and gore. The walls are covered with the bloody shrapnel that once was your digestive tract. As you lie on the ground in agonizing pain, you realize that you would have been better off just peeing in your pants. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 31 You relax your muscles and let the warm fluid spread through the fabric of your jeans. Piss runs down your pants leg and into your shoe. A feeling of relief passes through you, you feel warm all over, and for a moment you do not care that you are soiling yourself. You pee for over a minute. Finally you stop. Your pants are wet and stinking, and you are standing in a large puddle of your own piss. You should be ashamed of yourself, and deep inside you feel humiliated. There is no need for you to continue playing this game. Next time try a little harder to find a better solution. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 32 In a bold act of defiance, you unzip your pants and piss all over the bear. The animal stares at you in disbelieving shock as empty your bladder on him, matting down his thick, brown fur with your stinking urine. You pee for over a minute and then stop, feeling releived and pleased with yourself. There is a long silence as the bear looks at you, then at his wet, smelly fur, and then back to you again. His huge jaws open and he lets out a ferocious roar. Before you can move again he leaps on top of you and tears you from limb to limb. The room is soon filled with the gory mess that once was your body. You have died. Perhaps next time you will show a little more intelligence. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 33 The thought of spraying the walls amuses you, but you are far too civilized to actually do it. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 34 It stinks. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 35 It smells delicious. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 36 It would be foolish to attack the bear with your bare hands. Perhaps you should find a weapon. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 37 You suddenly feel a strong and inexplicable desire to go talk to the bear. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 38 You lift the phone receiver to your ear. A voice says: "Dumbass! There's a hidden passageway behind the Sammy Hagar poster!! Type 'get the poster' and then specify 'Sammy Hagar'!! Sheesh, get a clue already! You'd better hurry up before your bladder explodes!" The voice stops talking and the phone disappears in a puff of smoke. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 39 You sense that you are wasting time. You wonder if there's something you ought to read. END_MESSAGE 39 MESSAGE 40 A telephone suddenly appears. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 41 The bear blocks the exit and refuses to let you leave. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 42 The angry bear pounces on you and tears you to pieces. Bits of blood and bone fly everywhere as the bear rips out your insides and swallows them whole. The bear is very hungry, and he devours most of your body, leaving only a little bit to rot on the cold, slimey floor of the room. You are dead. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 43 The bear roars at you fiercely. You begin to fear for your life. END_MESSAGE 43 MESSAGE 44 The bear circles you hungrily, licking his chops. END_MESSAGE 44 MESSAGE 45 The bear looks as if he might attack you at any moment. You'd better do something pretty quick. END_MESSAGE 45 MESSAGE 46 It is dark as hell in here. You can't see shit. END_MESSAGE 46 MESSAGE 47 You don't need to shit, you need to piss. Pay attention. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 48 Don't be so lazy. Pick them up one at a time. END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 49 Haven't you been paying attention? It's dark as hell in here. How do you expect to find a $noun$ when you can't even see your hands? I repeat: END_MESSAGE MESSAGE 50 Try getting the posters one at a time. END_MESSAGE